SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to Midlife Women Entrepreneurs. I am your host, Lynette Turner. This episode is going to be a goodie because if you're in midlife and you've been laid off, or you can feel that layoff coming, it can start to shake your confidence fast. The problem with this is that you start questioning your value. You start chasing that same job you used to have, even if you don't even want that life anymore. My guest, Patricia Drain, knows this moment all too well. She's built and ran an executive recruiting firm, and she knows now the voice that many women need to hear when they're asking the question, what now? In this episode, we're going to focus on how to create a real plan B that brings both income and joy without undercutting yourself or chasing what you think you should do. Patricia, welcome to the show. I'm going to hand the floor over to you. Give yourself a bit of an introduction, and we'll take it from there.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Thank you, Lynette. It's just a privilege to be here because I think I'm one of your groupies now. I've been listening to your podcasts, and you do such a marvelous job. Just with your style and the way that you conduct the podcast, and so I'm thrilled to be here. But you know, the woman that gets laid off, or she thinks she's getting laid off, or it's coming soon. Where does she go? She comes to me. I mean, that's the next step. She comes to my office because of me being an executive recruiter and a staffing person, but I'm in Phoenix. Uh, and she sits across the desk from me, and I I feel immediately sorry for her because she doesn't understand that she has so much to give. She has so much experience, she knows so much more than I certainly know about what she does in a job. But you're absolutely right, Lynette. She's looking for the same thing then. Can you can I just go straight across and just get something else like it? Sometimes it's not available. You have to get into that creative role of what can I do with what I already know? How can I make an income with my knowledge that I have right now? Because you have a lot of knowledge, especially at midlife. Most of the time, uh these particular women get down on themselves and they start thinking, well, I have nothing. I mean, why would they ever choose me? And that comes across in an interview. So I I remember writing many, many years ago uh about the interview skill and about how you have to change the way that you're thinking. And so I put in the 10 most asked questions. Now, even though that has changed dramatically, because now you're on probably Skype or something, or you're on Zoom, whatever it is that you're on, it it doesn't matter. Now you still have to answer that question when they say, What kind of a salary are you looking for? And you can't be just sitting there going, I I don't know, or I just want what, you know, I don't even care if I make the amount that I used to make. It's just okay if I get started again. Uh you see what I'm saying. And now when now turn that woman uh into an entrepreneur, and now you have somebody totally differently different because it's me. It's an entrepreneur who is creative, who has been out there her whole life not making that two-week salary. And now she has to figure out okay, now that I'm in my 40s and 50s, I'm kind of at mid-life. What am I supposed to do? What is it that's supposed to be my function at this point? Because I'm now an empty nester. I mean, is that are those the people that you interview, Lynette? The empty nesters? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

Well, exactly. I feel like, you know, everything you're saying is so true about midlife women. You know, we've we've lived a very stereotypical life, right? We, you know, we had to, we raised our kids, we got our job. You know, before we even started recording, we were talking about somebody that you knew that, you know, was a lifelong teacher or librarian. And, you know, at the end of the day, she realized she didn't even want to be a librarian because what she was she was told to do. And so she gets laid off, or she's, you know, in midlife and she's looking for this new career. The first thing she's thinking is, I have no skills. Skills that I can bring to the table. And I've heard that time and time again. For you, Patricia, when a woman gets laid off in her 50s, what's the first sort of mental spiral you see from her, or the first thing you feel she needs to hear from you?

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Well, she needs to build her confidence back, for sure. All of us do at certain times in our life. We get to a point where we think we don't know anything. How could we possibly? Our children don't think we know anything. I I just remember feeling that at one point. And and we know so much that you now have to start asking yourself very succinct questions. You have to start saying, and this is what I did wrong when I first interviewed. I was thinking I'm I'm there for them, and I'm there to please them and whomever they are. I just wanted to fit into their pigeonhole. And I realized I had to back up and start asking myself those questions. What is it that I really love to do? What is it that I really need in a job that will make me happy? What is it that I'm best at doing? So it's all about the questions. I can't, I can't even describe it enough. In fact, in one of my books uh called Discovery in Your Core, I put these questions in the back of the book called the wise questions. And I call them that because when you ask a question of yourself, then the next question you should say is, why? Why do you want that? You know, what is my best quality? My best quality is I can communicate really well with others. Why can you do that? Why is that and why is that important to you? Do you see why the why is has to be there? And it's because you the more you dig into understanding who you are, the more helpful you can be to somebody else on the job and to yourself being true to you.

SPEAKER_02 6:09

But Patricia, you you know that those questions, it's it's a bit of an exercise, I guess, that when you and I were chatting on our pre-call, it was a list of, you know, list what you love in your personal life and then list what you do in your work life. So walk us through how a listener can do that today in a simple way and why is that important?

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Yeah, that's and it is as simple as you say. I mean, if you can get a question that you start out here and you keep going like this and it filters down, and you really get the answer that's good for you, that speaks to you, that is at the core of who you are, then you just discovered gold. And that's one of the things that I try to tell myself and others many times is when you get in a rut and you think you don't know what to do, and you think I don't know what's next, I'm getting nervous, I'm in a panic, you just back off and say, okay, what is it today that you really want in your life and need in your life? It's that kind of a question. Now, that's not something you ask yourself every day. What has been my greatest accomplishment since I've been in business? What is it I'm proudest of? And you start going like that, you start whittling it down until pretty soon you're pretty proud of what it is that you've done, what you've accomplished. But until you do that, you won't know. You know, I've I've heard for years that the person that really understands themselves and knows themselves the best, they are the most successful. And it's because they know what they like and they know what they don't like, they know what they're good at. And Lord help me, I don't know this at all. So I need help in that particular area. And I think it's the person that tries to do it all, really tries to, I'm going to be able to do this, this, this, and I do none of it well. But if I really paid attention, these other three things I do extremely well, but I just haven't focused on that because I haven't asked myself the right questions. And give us, give us like the your top five questions. Yeah, well, you know, when I look at this wise questionnaire, um, I thought that that one of the things and a question that I've been asked, and I put it in this book also, and I'll say it to you, Lynette, because it's really it was a tough one for me, but I had to answer it when I was very young, and then I had to answer it two weeks ago on a podcast. And it was not the most pleasant thing, but I have changed my my answer. And the question is, what would you say to your younger self? Because now you have grown up, you're you've experienced so much. So here you are at and you can be 10 when you talk to her, or you can be she can be 20. But what would you say to your younger self? And I'll tell you what I said.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

You want me to answer that? Yes. What would I say to my own younger self? I would say find a mentor. Find somebody who can guide you because we didn't have Google at that time. I didn't know what I didn't know, and I didn't have a lot of mentorship. And so everything I did, I figured out on my own. And I so I definitely know that would be one response is find somebody that can help you. And even just like to bounce ideas off of. Um, I'm a big believer in feedback. I am a feedback junkie, but I didn't start getting feedback until my sort of late 20s. But I think I would have taken a different path in my later teens, my early 20s, had I had more guidance in what I could do and my potential.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

That's a very good answer. I and how old would you say you would have been to understand about a mentor? Would you have to be in your 20s, do you think?

SPEAKER_02 10:09

Well, I think you have to have the mindset of definitely accepting a feedback. I think there's a lot of people who don't take feedback, therefore they don't look for that mentorship because they don't want the feedback. But I've always wanted feedback. I just didn't know what to ask. I didn't know my potential. You know, I I just, yeah, you just don't know what you don't know, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Well, when I was first asked that question, I was in my 40s and I remember thinking that I had just been unfortunately diagnosed with cancer. I just had been in chemo. So I'm sitting there with they overdosed in chemo, so I had no fingernails, I had no eyelashes, I had no eyebrows and no hair. Now I had a wig on, so I looked like this, but but I remember this girl saying to me, Can't you get a picture of your little girl? And I said, Yeah. She says, What does she look like? And I said, She's in the first grade, and she's five years old, and she doesn't have teeth, and her hair is up over her ears, and by the way, her ears stick out, and that's not good that her hair is over her ears, over the top of them. And she said, Oh, that's kind of sad, isn't it? That that that's how you your hair was. Yeah, it is. But she said, put her on your knee and tell her what you would say to her now. And I mean, it just choked me up because I was at the the lowest of low at that time. I remember putting her on my knee saying, I am so sorry. You just wanted to have fun, you just wanted to be joyful in life. I I I kind of blew it. I'm so sorry, you know, sitting here like this. And she said to me, I hope in the years to follow you'll maybe say that a different way to your girl. And today, because I was asked that two weeks ago, today I would I would say to that younger person, you're the most resilient person I know. You just pick yourself up and get on with what you have to do, and I'm so proud of you. You go, girl. Now that's a whole different ball game. And and I've been through many, many other things since then, as you have, Lynette, because by this point in life, you have. You've experienced things, you've experienced ups and downs. And and so that to me is one of the most important questions you can possibly ask yourself. But another one is what do you think if you could have no failure, you know that you'll no matter what it is, you will not fail. What would you do? And when you start thinking about that, you think, you mean I can't fail? That means I will continue on being a success. Well, then what would you do? Well, that's a that's a great question. And that leads you to what it is that you really want. And the librarian that you were talking about, I asked her that question. I said, Why did you become this librarian? And she said, Because my mom and dad said that it was a very good job for me and I would always have a job because that's always going to be needed. Who knows? Um, with everything that has changed in that in that regard. But one of the things that I said to her is, if you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do? And she said, I would have, now amazingly, an art gallery. And I would absolutely support all the artists in my area here in New York. I would make sure that they could come and show their wares and they would sell them. I would take, you know, make an income from the artist and also from my own art that's hanging on the wall. Well, that was shocking. But see, that's what happens when you ask somebody, don't worry about failing, failing, don't worry about an income, don't worry about anything. It's all going to be beautiful. What would you do? My favorite question.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

Which makes me think too, Patricia. Like I I I know the answer for me. I would definitely go in the realm of more creative uh art direction, creative, uh, you know, with the just sort of the the new AI and stuff, I'd love to just get in there and start to do more uh AI animations and things like that. I mean, I've never dabbled in that area at all. But the thought of being creative and figuring out even how to like make an AI twin of myself is very intriguing and something I've started to work on. But I think, oh God, if that could never fail, like I'm I would be a hundred percent online on that.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

I I want to just kind of insert here that is how you feel. So you must be this major creative person inside. I would never even think to do that. And that's where we are so different. Most of us think, well, whatever I want, I want to be famous or rich or whatever it is. Everybody wants to. No, that's just not true. And so you need to know your uniqueness, and that's a unique uh ability of yours. And obviously it's an ability, or you would not be thinking about that. It wouldn't even be in your mind. I'll be darn.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

And you know, something something that you said to me on our pre-call was like, pay attention to the whispers. And sometimes I think to myself, well, is that a whisper? So what do you think those whispers look like in real life? Like, is that a whisper? Like for me to think, oh yes, that's a whisper.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

And and it's what you just did. You said, Oh. It's when all of a sudden something crosses our mind that you've never thought of it that way before. And I think, you know, when I get when I light up, it's when I see somebody like you light up because, oh my gosh, I've never thought of it like that before. It's kind of like that paradigm shift where you see something one way and you see it your whole life because it's your belief now. And then all of a sudden somebody says, Well, what about this? And you shift. That's what you just did. And so that is a whisper. And pretty soon the whisper becomes, I thought I told you to write that book, and you didn't write a word. And so pretty soon it becomes louder, and then it gets louder. And and then if sometimes it makes you sick, sometimes it makes you maybe have an accident, and you think, you know, I don't have that much time left. I better get moving on what it is I want to be doing. It just happened to a friend of mine. She uh had a stroke, and she said, That stroke changed me forever. I don't even think about business the same way. She used to sell this$2,000 sponsorship. She has 88,000 people following her on LinkedIn and wasn't doing a thing with it. And she said, I used to do 2,000 sponsorships. Now I start at 25 and I end at 100. This is all within a month. But it's see that she had that shift. She had that major whisper saying, Hey, you don't have much time. You better start moving on what it is you're here to do.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

Yeah. You know, it makes me think too, many women, you know, in midlife and beyond feel like they might have missed their chance or, you know, they've forgotten about themselves. So how do you help somebody real sort of rebuild trust when they feel sort of a bit late to the game?

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Yeah. There again, it goes back to the question of what is it that you want? What is it that you love to do? Now I call them living questions. And I call them living questions because I want people, myself included, to put something up so that every day you have a new thought about it. And so you go over to it and you'll add another thought about what you love to do. And and one of the things that I say to people, if you love to be organized or or organize people, uh, is that something that you'd want to do for a career? And nine out of ten times people say, oh, no, absolutely not. I mean, I just love to do it. I would never want to do that as a career. You just have to be careful about that. And then put a put a C next to the things that you love to do that maybe could turn into a career. And what kind of a career could that be? Actually, the brilliance of what you said about, you know, meandering down into a whole different field than you even thought to meander to, give yourself permission to do that. But once again, it's through questions. What could I do as a career that could make money because I love flowers so much or I love researching so much? Now, the girl from the library pretty much it came out all of a sudden that she loves to get grants for people. I'm like, oh, okay, that's probably one of the best paid things that you can do today is getting a grant for somebody. People will pay you whatever for that. But that hasn't even crossed her mind because she's a librarian. Isn't that just so unusual? And that that's, I think it for her, it's not happening at midlife. It's happening in her 70s. But um, it's the person at midlife that looks back and sees, I really have lived a long time now. I've I've really had a lot of experience. But then they look over here and they see how much time is left. And there's a lot of time left. And so you have to get crystal clear on what it is that would make you happy moving forward in a career. And that that's where the the kicker is. It's all about the core of who you are. Uh well, I I don't know if you can see this, but I I one of the books I wrote was Define Discovering Your Core. I had my grandson draw this. I said I'd like an apple core because it would remind me of who we are at the core, and the seeds are our talents and our gifts. He draws this award-winning apple. Now, I of course thought, well, maybe it should be more looking like an app. He said, That's the apple that it is. See, because he's an artist. It's like, I'm not doing that again, that's what you're getting. And it's just beautiful, but it uh it's a reminder of we have these talents and gifts that we come into the world with. That's the seeds of the apple core. But down to the core of who we are, that is who we came in like. And most of us never go back to that because when I say to somebody, What were you doing when you were five or six? They say, climbing trees, riding my bike, playing, going to a movie. Okay, keep going. And and then they start getting into what it is they really caught caught on to when they were in school, like math, or maybe they were a genius with English. And all of a sudden they think, Well, I I guess I could write. Well, I would never write. I mean, writing isn't what I do. You you see what I mean.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

Yeah, and I like everything you're saying there, especially the the grandson's uh depiction of the apple core, um, and and how you describe that the seeds uh that you're exposing in the core are really your talents. And that's such a good metaphor, and it's it's really visual, so it's good. Um, and I think too, like sometimes I'm talking with some people, like some midlife women entrepreneurs, and they don't even realize that they've got those hidden talents. And so it's it's interesting. So, like, how do you talk to them or coach them to really sort of bring out those talents? Yes, there's the list of you know, the things that they love. To do. And but deep down, I'm going to give you an example actually. I think is the best way of saying it is I have a very dear friend who I know listens to the podcast, and I often bring up questions that she goes, Oh, thanks for that question, because she knew I was asking the question for her. But, you know, she is really intuitive. She's a she's a strategist. She's a coach. She helps women in business grow their businesses. She does a lot of financial modeling for them, et cetera. But really at the heart of it, she is so intuitive and she can draw on different modalities and bring that into the coaching. And I said that to her, like, do you ever do that? And she's like, no, I don't. But like, so how, if you don't have somebody like a friend that sort of questions, how do you know what you really are good at?

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Yeah. It goes back to that, that living question. It does. It just I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but it does go back to you. If you really want to get to the core of who you are. And I'll give you my example of that. I, you know, I was a professional speaker and I went all over the place and and spoke and did a motivational thing and would come off and and think, is that all there is? I mean, I just went out there and motivated for 20 minutes and got paid. I, you know, it didn't, it wasn't at the core of who I am. I'm a teacher. And it it took me years to just finally say, I'm a teacher. I used to teach little tiny children. They were this tall, and now we got taller. And that's all we did was get taller in our chairs. And I teach those people now, adults, including myself. Every time I teach, it's something that I have already learned. And so I want to share that with people because if you're a true teacher, you'll want to share your intuitive friend. It's the same thing. She has this gift that she was born with called being an intuitive. And until she really shares that with somebody, turns that into something that somebody can get a result from her, she won't really understand it because she wants, you know, you want somebody, for me anyway, as a teacher. I if you, Lynnette, I worked with you and you did not get a result, a absolute uh result that you can feel and see and and everything and hear, and then I haven't done my job. I would have to start again. I remember teaching my second graders, and there was something I I could look around the room and I could see that they were struggling. Not all of them, not not my little ones in the front line, but the they were struggling. And I said, How many of you are struggling with what I what I was just saying we had to do? And nobody would raise their hand because nobody wants to look stupid. And I finally said, you know, you realize that it's not your fault if you don't understand what I'm teaching. It's my fault. I didn't teach it right. I need to teach it better. And they I said, now how many are struggling? Every hand in the room. Even the people that weren't struggling, their hand went up. And that's that's I gave them permission because obviously I needed to get a better result. You know, it's kind of like a coach, just like you say, if they're not getting a result, then they didn't do it right. Now, your friend, does she know that she has this gift of intuitiveness?

SPEAKER_02 25:27

She does. Yeah, she does. Yeah, she does know. Yeah. Um, but I don't know if she knew she was she was bringing it in without I don't think she knew that. It was just sort of a natural thing and the way that she solved problems for her clients. But to, you know, I think to surface it more uh specifically in the offer, I think would have been is is a good idea. Um But you know, Patricia, back to you. You're you've written for everybody listening. We didn't really give you very much of an introduction at the beginning, but you've written 14 books, right? You've talked a little bit about some of your books. Um, but specifically the first one, I think it became a real big deal after a major publisher found it. Um talk a little bit about that book and kind of that moment for you.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Now, my first book that came out, I now own this recruiting staffing firm in Phoenix. And I'd been through the same thing. If you came in and interviewed with me, Lynette, you might hang your head and not do a good job because you don't think that you're fit to be asking me for a new job or asking for the amount of money you want, or do you really feel you have the skills that I'm looking for? And my my whole thing was always, Lynette, look at who you are, what you've accomplished. My gosh, it's just wonderful. And was to always build a person up, whether I placed you or or I didn't, it didn't matter. But one of the things I could do is help you on the interview process because you're not just going to interview with me, you're going to go out and interview with others. And I went out and interviewed when we moved to Phoenix. I I interviewed everywhere and nobody wanted me. And I can understand why I I mean I had been home for 15 years raising my children. And so it was so funny. I'd my I'd come home, my husband would say, Well, did you get any offers today? And I'd say, No. But I had lunch with one of them and she was just delightful, you know, or whatever. I just didn't know how to interview. I didn't know it was a game. So when I put the book together, it was called Hire Me, Secrets of Job Interviewing. I get a call one day, and this guy says to me, Patricia, did you write Hire Me Secrets of Job Interviewing? My question was, why? Why do you want to know? Because I thought I was in trouble. Oh my gosh. And he said, Because exactly. Um, I just loved it. He said, We're the top publisher on the West Coast right now, and I wondered if I could buy the rights to this. But I just wrote it because I wanted to help these people, and I sold it in my office for$5 because I wanted to get the money back from what I just spent on my book because I self-published it. But that book is in 12 languages now because it was eventually bought by Putnam. And it's helping thousands of people. I have it in German and Thai and Spanish, and I have copies of that, and that gives me pleasure to know that. I don't want anybody listening to think that having a book in all those languages or writing that first book makes you rich. It does not. He did say to me, however, if you continue to write three or four books along the same vein, that will make you a lot of income. So I wanted people to know that. Um, but I couldn't even write the second one. He wanted me to write You're Hired by the employer standpoint. I said, I I don't have any more words within me. So no. But then I went on to write the books I wanted to write, you know, discovering your core, the chosen few. What should I be when I grow up? I and I'm a teacher. I'm teaching through the books, not not any longer from maybe from stage. So I hope that answers.

SPEAKER_02 28:59

What would you tell a listener who maybe is hiding her expertise? You know, she doesn't want to be visible. Just like, yeah, what would you say to her?

SPEAKER_00 29:09

Oh, I would say most people are. I I'm going to say out of a hundred percent of us, I'm going to say 85% of us don't want to be visible. I, in fact, when I was speaking from stage, I didn't know I was so visible. I thought people didn't see me. I thought they heard me, but I certainly didn't think they were looking at me, like looking at my fingernails, my shoes, my outfit. And that's all people do. They look at every single piece of you. I'm glad I didn't know that because that would have bothered me. But what I would say to her is it's not fair to other people. It's not about you. It's about the people that you're going to help, that you're going to share your wonderful story with, or it's going to be you that's going to share some one, two, three that you did and it helped you, and it's going to help somebody else also. It when I got the real picture of it's not about me, I came off stage and a little girl was standing in line, maybe she was 18. And she said, uh, Patricia, is there anything else that you do that I could uh be helped with? Because I really liked what you said today. And I said, Oh no, honey, this is all I have. Because I didn't know that I should be putting programs together and books together and tapes together that I could give to her and say, here, this this is ongoing now. You don't have to just be motivated for 15 minutes. I have all kinds of things that you can use. Yeah. It's uh it's it's unfair of us to not be visible.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

Yeah, and you know, and then that visibility doesn't always have to come in the form of coaching. You know, we talked about this before that, you know, a lot of women are in midlife are pigeonholed into, well, become a coach. It's the obvious thing to do because you have this expertise, you can share it. That's very dramatic. But it doesn't have to be yeah, it doesn't have to be in the form of coaching. What do you think sort of a more business-to-business type work would look like for somebody who, you know, is good at what she does, but you know, doesn't necessarily want to be B2C.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

Yeah. I think I think you should I listen to these younger girls today, and the sky is the limit. They go on and on with all the things they can do. We weren't born in if you're midlife, that is not how you think. You you probably were a nurse, a teacher, an instructor, a something. And now you grow up and you're going to be a coach. You're absolutely right, Lynette. And coaching is not for everybody. But if you don't open your mind to all the possibilities of what you can do, like for me with teaching, that's my core. Well, think about all the things that I could teach. Now, I I'm very clear on what I can't teach. I cannot teach anything to do with a computer, with technology, uh, with math, with with bookkeeping, all of that. That's not my that's not my my gift. But my gift is I do know how to get to the core of who you are, and I know how to make you bloss hel help you blossom and grow uh from that core. But it it also goes along with your belief. I just talked with somebody and she has easily this six-figure business that she's running right now. And last year she made$15,000 with that business. Well, that's not even a living. And she's upset with it and she doesn't know what to do with it, and she doesn't want to keep asking her husband or her partner what to do and asking him for money. And I said, But when you do have a six-figure business within you, don't you think that's very hard not to be offering people that you could help? I mean, it's not about you, it's about helping this other person. And she said, I don't know. I I was raised to think that it's really bad to talk about money and making a lot of money. I don't think she'll make her six figures because your belief system has to catch up with your gifts and your talents and what it is that you do. I I know belief systems are the foundation for all of us. I mean, for you, Lynette, is there a belief system there that kind of held you back for a while?

SPEAKER_02 33:32

Oh, a hundred percent. I hate the thought of selling anything. I'd rather give my stuff away for free. And I think you and I talked about this on the pre-call. You were like, yeah, but you're doing a disservice to people by not uh, you know, charging them and and selling your services. And it's it's interesting. I think that's the reason why I I started the podcast because I feel like I can share other stories, I can share insights and relatability uh without having to feel like I'm selling. But, you know, I do know that there's a time and a place where, you know, you you deserve to be paid, just like I would pay my manicurist or my hairdresser or a coach or whatever. I mean, I, you know, somebody who might do some social media design for me. So they're getting paid. Why wouldn't I get paid? But I I do feel that way, like that it's, yeah, I feel like there's some things there that are limiting beliefs. And and, you know, all last year though, I felt like the whole podcast was all about uh talking with other women who felt who are on the same vein, who had to overcome certain things to move move forward into what she was looking for, to hit that confidence, right?

SPEAKER_00 34:53

So for sure. Imagine somebody like me who went to a confessional when I was five, because that's what you did, and I didn't have any sins. But by the time a little five-year-old girl walked out of that confessional, I had done everything but covet thy neighbor's wife. That's how that's how my belief system was formed. So to say to sell something to somebody would be just a terrible thing. But I had to get to the to the point where I could say selling is just telling somebody how you can get a result for them, if in fact that is what you could do. Because I don't want to say something to somebody that I can't perform.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

Yeah. What other ways would you uh, you know, okay, I think about, you know, it's kind of the the subject of our conversation today was really about getting laid off, feeling that sense of being laid off, and then your confidence is taking a hit. And so, you know, and just what I just said about myself, undercutting myself, right? So, what are the in your mind, what are some of the most common ways women do undercut themselves? And then how do you coach them to ask for what they're worth?

SPEAKER_00 36:05

Well, it's a it's not easy. You know, think about that librarian I was just talking about, and she's coming from a place where her parents told her to do that. It it it is not an easy task. But if you can possibly keep working on that belief system by asking, is this really true? For me, I had to catch myself doing something right. With Hire Me Seekers of Job interviewing, I had the biggest celebration that somebody bought that book and it's going to get out to hundreds of thousands of people out there to help them get a job with those questions and the answers that they should be saying. So the only way to build confidence, I really do believe this, Lydia, is to constantly catch yourself doing what it is that you do so well and praise yourself for it. It's not an easy thing to do because, you know, when you're born a very humble person and you're born to be told, bow your head before you even come into this room. That's how I was taught. And so to go from humility to it's okay to ask somebody uh to pay for something that they're going to get value out of and get a result from that. It's okay to do that. And I hopefully, you know, to to raise confidence is is so it's such a hard thing because what is confidence for you? Like our, you know, walking into a room and not really feeling like all eyes are on you. I have never felt that way. I walk into a room and I look around to see all the people I get to talk to. I don't know if that's a given thing that I was given or or something I had to work on, but I know that it's not about me. And I think that's probably the biggest thing I have learned uh in because I I do come from this step of humility, uh, that if you think it's not about you, then you can go out and say, ooh, I have something that can work for you, though. It's this formula that I really know works. Can you would you like to see that? And would you like to hear about that? That's that's probably uh building confidence as quickly as you possibly can. How do you, and I do want to know this from you, Lynette, how did you build confidence to be able to do this podcast and be sitting here like this?

SPEAKER_02 38:31

Honestly, that's such a good question. I am not a very, like, I'm not a very uh outwardly person. I'm more of an introvert, although I can go to a function and be very um, you know, outgoing and extroverted. That's the word I was trying to think of. Um but building confidence, I feel like sometimes I just do things naively. I I when I started this podcast, I was solving a problem for myself. And that problem was I needed to create content and I didn't know how to create content. And so I brainstormed ways of creating content and I thought, wow, what a great way of creating content. Let's do a bunch of interviews. I can slice and dice and create some content around kind of you know, midlife women, business tips and things like that. And now the confidence grows because A, I get a lot of requests to be on the podcast. I get feedback from you. You started the conversation just right out of the gate. Uh, you know, you've listened to a couple of episodes and I appreciate that. So I think the confidence, like you said, just has grown. And the more I do it, and if I don't fail, then I go, oh, okay, good. Okay, I'll keep going. But if I fall, I know I'm very resilient. Uh, I spent the last 25 years being super resilient in being a single mom, raising two kids, everything. Yeah. Um, I don't think anything really phases me anymore. And honestly, I think too, every midlife woman out there can relate to this. You can get to a stage where, quite frankly, and I'm gonna swear on my podcast, I don't really give a shit anymore what people think about me, how they think about me. I know how I present myself with my best intentions. And if it does if it rubbed a nerve the wrong way, sorry, shouldn't have taken it personally. I mean, honestly, that's kind of what we should all.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

You have given yourself the greatest gift there is. I don't know if I'm there yet where you are, because I told you that somebody gave me feedback that I have no personality on Zoom. And that's a bad thing.

SPEAKER_02 40:55

But let's back up, let's tell the beginning of that story. So you held a workshop. I attended the workshop, and I think there were maybe 15, 20 people on the workshop. And you told me even before we were going on to the workshop, uh, this was not going to be a PowerPoint webinar presentation. It was gonna be me chatting and just really sort of bringing you through kind of the reasons why you would get into entrepreneurship, different things, and then, you know, maybe joining my mastermind group. But that was kind of it. So yeah, so I I jumped on and I thought you looked great. And I thought I actually enjoyed that it wasn't a hard sell. But yeah, now I'll hand the floor over to you now. But you got some feedback.

SPEAKER_00 41:37

Well, her feedback. Um and once again, I I don't I try so hard not to do this. Do not focus on the negative, do not do that, but but you do. And so I read this and was was I I couldn't even believe it because she said, you wore the wrong color. That certainly is not a color that was good for you for this podcast, but you have no Zoom personality whatsoever. And I was very, very, she said it was alarming how how much she did not like the workshop. And and of course you focus on that. I don't want to, but I have. Now I'm kind of looking at it like it's kind of funny because I I hope I have a personality for heaven's sake on Zoom. Now we are not on Zoom right now, so I bet I have a great personality because we're on a whole different platform. I did want to say one thing, Lynette, that I think could help the listener. I want you to go ask five people that you respect and you care about, uh, their feelings, and say, what is it that you see that I do well that maybe I'm not seeing right now? And you're going to come away flying because they're going to say things to you that you never even realized how good you are at doing that. And so I I really hope you will do that. Once again, somebody said to me, but why would I go ask five people when you're telling me I should really know and understand myself? Yes, you should, but sometimes those gifts and those talents are hidden. They're hidden from you, and you know why? They're so natural to you that you don't even think it's a gift, what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 43:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:20

And I, Lynette, I don't know. Have you ever done that? No. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

SPEAKER_02 43:30

And I love that. And I think that we should leave that as a next step for anybody that's listening to this podcast. It should be the next step. Everybody should go out and just ask five of their friends, family members, even a coworker, what is it about me? Like what am I what am I asking, Patricia?

SPEAKER_00 43:50

Well, you're saying and you have to be careful about how you ask it. Do not say what gift or talent do you think I have? Yeah. Because see, they're they're not going to know either. That's a hard one. But what do you see that I do really well that maybe I don't even realize I do well? And I remember one response for me was, Well, you immediately make people feel comfortable. So you communicate in a way that people feel like they've known you. And I said, Oh, well, that I I'm glad to know that. He said, Are you kidding me? You didn't know that. And I said, No. So thank you for telling me that. He said, Well, what about the waitress that was sitting with us while we were eating? She she thought she was one of us. So she's and she's working for God's sake. She's not supposed to be sitting with us. Well, see, there again, that would that's a natural thing. I don't consider that a gift, but that's a natural communication tool, I guess.

unknown 44:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:50

So do that.

SPEAKER_00 44:52

I can't wait to hear what you're gonna say.

SPEAKER_02 44:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 44:57

Patricia, listen, where do people find you? Find out more about you, maybe get a book, maybe work with you.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

Yeah. Well, I'm I'm Patricia at Patricia Drain, D-R-A-I-N.com. That's my email, and I do respond to that literally more so than than Instagram and Facebook, and I'm on all of those, but I don't watch them as much. This is my personal email, and I do pay attention to respond to all of them. I do have a program, a do-it-yourself program called Your Gift Is Your Niche. I I'm sorry I named your gift is your niche.com because people don't think they have a gift and they're always asking me, Patricia, I need to find my niche. I say your gift is your niche, and they go, Oh, I don't have any gifts. So, but that's a really good program. And if you really want to go from A to Z and learn all about yourself, but also learn how to make an income with what it is that you know, that's a wonderful program to look into. Otherwise, just email me and um ask me if you want a session with me. I always do, love to do free sessions because I came up with a formula that I feel really works to give people clarity on what it is that they want to do next. And it happens within 15 minutes. It's really cool.

SPEAKER_02 46:18

Okay, well, I think everybody should take you up on it. I I know even just on our pre-call, you were you, you, you flipped the this the the interview uh pre-call to me, and I, you know, I get a little uncomfortable with all of that. But you know, and and you you said something to me that you were like, well, wow, okay, you got lots going on. You're like, you're about to take off. And I thought, wow, I love that. It felt so good. And it just kind of gave me a little bit of confidence to go, yeah, okay, I am gonna take off, even though I should have taken off five or six years ago. But yeah, yeah. So I I think anybody should be taking you up on that quick little chat and then getting deeper into your programs. So, Patricia, thank you for sharing your story. You're a wonderful person. Thank you for listening and being a supporter of the podcast. And uh I hope to have you on again soon. Thanks, Lynette. I love your podcast. Love it. Thank you.